http://www.tutorialsroom.com/tutorials/hosting/gone_in_sixty_seconds.html ://http://www.tutorialsroom.com/tutori...y_seconds.html ://http://www.tutorialsroom.com/tutori...y_seconds.html
Its meant to help you make your site better....It made me laugh my ass off!!! Sadly its oh so true...here is is:
QUOTE
Gone in Sixty Seconds!
I am not going to talk about movies here. It is how to make the visitors of your site leave in seconds and never come back! Unfortunately, I did not invent those techniques. They are everywhere on the internet. I have just gathered them for you so read on.
HTML: A webpage is just like a word document, if you can use MS Word then why not use MS Front Page and build a web site in minutes. You do not have to learn any of the HTML tags. It is boring and takes time.
Colors: You have to be unique, so never use the usual color schemes: light background with a dark color font, it is everywhere on the internet and you have to be new. Use your imagination like a RED background with a GREEN font color! Also never use blue for links and the most important thing: Use the same color for the visited and unvisited links, so people visit the same page like hundreds of times. Remember: Standards are boring, be unique.
Marquee, Blink and Animated GIFs give life to your site so use them a lot. Use one or two fixed words in a marquee, for example: "Welcome" or "Hi there" and make them move all the time from the right of your site to the left, also put at least three animated GIFs close to one another and make all your headers blink.
Ads: Put three or four ads banners on the top of your page one after the other and force people to scroll (a lot) to reach your content. You worked a lot in your site so you deserve a lot of money. False messages are the best, put one saying: "You have been infected, click here to scan your computer" also, you can put one saying: "Congratulations! You have won 1000000$, click here to take the money now". Remember, the more zeros the better!
Background sound: Embed the song that you like in all of your pages. You love it so visitors should love it too; there is no reason why they do not wait for five or even ten minutes for it to load. Also, make it hidden so there is no way for them to stop it. Force them to listen to the same song every time they visit your site or refresh the page.
Flash is the trend, embed a five minutes intro video flash and NEVER give users an option to skip it, they have to see it every time they come to your site.
Links: Open all the links of your site in new browser windows, so when users leave your site, they have at least 20 browsers windows to close.
Pictures: Add a big picture of yourself on the index page of your site. It is your site, people want to see what you look like for sure and if you are building a site for your company, add a very big picture of the Chairman, Raise Guaranteed!
Horizontal scroll bar: You have a 21 inches monitor and your site looks good on it. You like to use the highest resolution possible. Do not even care about the "poor" people who have to use the horizontal scroll bar with the vertical scroll bar to see your content. They have to buy bigger monitors, It is their fault not yours!
Test your site only in Internet Explorer. Do not even care what your site looks like in other browsers. Why would people use any other browsers anyway? IE is free, it comes with windows and the most important: You like it!
Finally, you do not have to use all those techniques; just choose two or three of them. Results Guaranteed! Gone in Sixty Seconds!
I am not going to talk about movies here. It is how to make the visitors of your site leave in seconds and never come back! Unfortunately, I did not invent those techniques. They are everywhere on the internet. I have just gathered them for you so read on.
HTML: A webpage is just like a word document, if you can use MS Word then why not use MS Front Page and build a web site in minutes. You do not have to learn any of the HTML tags. It is boring and takes time.
Colors: You have to be unique, so never use the usual color schemes: light background with a dark color font, it is everywhere on the internet and you have to be new. Use your imagination like a RED background with a GREEN font color! Also never use blue for links and the most important thing: Use the same color for the visited and unvisited links, so people visit the same page like hundreds of times. Remember: Standards are boring, be unique.
Marquee, Blink and Animated GIFs give life to your site so use them a lot. Use one or two fixed words in a marquee, for example: "Welcome" or "Hi there" and make them move all the time from the right of your site to the left, also put at least three animated GIFs close to one another and make all your headers blink.
Ads: Put three or four ads banners on the top of your page one after the other and force people to scroll (a lot) to reach your content. You worked a lot in your site so you deserve a lot of money. False messages are the best, put one saying: "You have been infected, click here to scan your computer" also, you can put one saying: "Congratulations! You have won 1000000$, click here to take the money now". Remember, the more zeros the better!
Background sound: Embed the song that you like in all of your pages. You love it so visitors should love it too; there is no reason why they do not wait for five or even ten minutes for it to load. Also, make it hidden so there is no way for them to stop it. Force them to listen to the same song every time they visit your site or refresh the page.
Flash is the trend, embed a five minutes intro video flash and NEVER give users an option to skip it, they have to see it every time they come to your site.
Links: Open all the links of your site in new browser windows, so when users leave your site, they have at least 20 browsers windows to close.
Pictures: Add a big picture of yourself on the index page of your site. It is your site, people want to see what you look like for sure and if you are building a site for your company, add a very big picture of the Chairman, Raise Guaranteed!
Horizontal scroll bar: You have a 21 inches monitor and your site looks good on it. You like to use the highest resolution possible. Do not even care about the "poor" people who have to use the horizontal scroll bar with the vertical scroll bar to see your content. They have to buy bigger monitors, It is their fault not yours!
Test your site only in Internet Explorer. Do not even care what your site looks like in other browsers. Why would people use any other browsers anyway? IE is free, it comes with windows and the most important: You like it!
Finally, you do not have to use all those techniques; just choose two or three of them. Results Guaranteed! Gone in Sixty Seconds!
Again, This Article is not by me its from:
http://www.tutorialsroom.com/tutorials/hos...ty_seconds.html
